Chapter 4828 The Big Bag & More(Taboo Fuck):>Ep2
- The end result of all of this, and why I include it here, is that the whole event of the past year has yet left me depressed, but led me to an escape hatch has been a rising sexual appetite, where my imagination and my libido feed into a world of fantasy, erotica and pornography most days. Fed, in part, by my ex-wife. I have needed to escape, and it led me into porn, which also gave my stress and depression what it needed. Call it addictive, or whatever you want. I was not dealing with my emotions in any meaningful way. I treated myself with distraction, fantasy, porn, alcohol, and it all left me in a particularly heightened state of desire, with dreams of adventure, lust, and beautiful women. I began reading stories, erotic stories, or looking at pictures (porn), dreaming of tete a tetes I would never in reality engage myself in. I am not particularly outgoing and meeting a woman for a new relationship is a complete mystery, and I simply say to myself - I am not ready. I do know I am drawn to particular types of women, essentially Lisa and variations thereof. I call them female women, girlie girls, I love dark hair (and dark pussies), mysterious eyes, and bodies that move and exude confidence, lithe and flexible. Something the young girls these days seem to exude in spades. Somehow, my daughter triggered an innate desire in me whenever she put on those dark sunglasses, becoming someone else entirely. She became the fantasy of my fantasies. But I could do nothing about that, except within my own imagination. She was my daughter for gods sake. But she became, for me, a living avatar, a living manga cartoon. She fed my visions and my libido, I could feel my loins rise, on those days we rode together and on those days she dressed in her tight outfits, her leather boots and those glasses.
- And when she sat beside me, her little lithe frame alighting next to me, this little bird, her thigh just brushing mine. I could feel my heart leap and let my imagination run wild.
- It was on one of those warm spring mornings which come too early, bursting onto the scene catching you unawares. I have a particular stirring in spring, get an especially wild feel and it triggers memories of my youth. I had been such a wild child in my youth, as had Lisa my ex, all of that satiated in my middle years. But it was the kind of sun and warmth and scent which makes one think of sex. I'd had a frustrating week at work, but the day pushed any thought of strategy, phone calls, computers out of my mind. Deadlines were vanishing and my heart felt wonderful. The sunshine on my skin, warm wind and the smell of summer and wet grass.